I love Red Vines. Red Vines are my favorite. I miss Red Vines. I heard myself saying this to Tem, the bone density tech at Scripps who had just asked me about my Celiac Disease and if cutting gluten out of my diet was hard. Tem was perusing through my medical chart as I said this, then quickly snapped his head up and said, "Oh, I see that’s a problem for you! You don't drink and drive with your kids in the car do you?" I stared back at Tem and said, "Red Vines. I said Red Vines - the candy. Not red wine!" In my head I was saying - God Dammit! Nodurft!! Tem looked embarrassed. I felt slapped in the face. So I did what I normally do and joked it off. "Oh yeah, I drink and drive! In fact, I wait for the kids to get in the car before I start pounding them down! Again in my head, God Dammit! Nodurft!
The next morning I skipped WebMD and called my doctor, who I had never seen before and found out he had actually retired. So I decided to change my medical group so I could go to the Scripps Clinic 10 minutes from my house. I'm all about convenience. I don't like doctor's, I don't trust doctors, so this was big for me. I have a pretty high tolerance for pain...I endured like 12 years of marriage...but I'm not here to bash. My point is, it was so bad even I couldn't take it anymore, so I made an appointment and in November I saw Dr. Yee. I was surprised. She was really nice. She did a bunch of tests, one of them was for Celiac's and within a couple days she called me back in. She discussed the results and told me I had to go to a gastroenterologist to get an endoscopy for the official diagnosis and gave me a list of GI's. She recommended Dr. Nodurft as a first choice.
Dr. Yee must have sensed my distress. I really didn't want to go to a GI (I hardly wanted to be in Dr. Yee's office). She told me I needed to call right away because it could be weeks before they could get me in. Sure-yeah-right. "Dr. Nodurft's office is right down the hall," she said. "You should walk down there and make the appointment today. If he can't see you soon, you might need to call the clinic up in Torrey Pines to be seen quicker." Sure-yeah-right. "Do you know where the specialist office is? It's right next to the ultrasound department. Walk down there."
I walked out of her office. Did I walk over to the specialist office to make my appointment. Hell no. I walked out of the automatic sliding doors and across the street to the Keg and Bottle, then proceeded over to Subway for a turkey on whole wheat with mayo and extra jalapenos. Don't judge me. I was kid free, that's a rarity.
The only irritating thing he said was that if I did had Celiac Disease I could use it to get a kitchen remodel due to cross contamination issues and what not. Yeah, because we all know that women use ANY excuse to capitalize on retail therapy. I'm trying to get out of my kitchen! Then he suggested a support group to get information from others who live with Celiac's. Okay, clearly this guy didn't get me. In general, I don't like people, so I can't even imagine what seeking advice from a support group would look like. No thank you. I just smiled and nodded. He told me to Google Celiac Disease. Really? Forty dollar co-pay and I could have just googled it? Still, he patiently spent 20 minutes with me. Longer than I had expected. It was like going to Mr. Roger's neighborhood for medical advice. The only thing he was missing was a cardigan sweater and Keds.
As I look back now - that appointment day was really like starting a new chapter in my life. I started down a path to get help and it all seemed very routine. Yet, as this past year has proven, it certainly hasn't been an easy road. So I've decided to document this fun little adventure in a blog. Celiac Disease is hard. It doesn't seem like there's anything I can do to get better. So I keep going back to Nodurft, thus the blog title - Monday's with Nodurft. No, I'm not stealing it from Tuesday's with Morrie. Mr. Important is too important to see patients at my clinic any other day. As if Mondays weren't bad enough. Just about every two months, it's another Monday appointment. He's really put me through the ringer. But truth be told, he's the one who drew the shortest straw when he got me as a patient. I like to make up my own medical theories.
I'm not writing this to help anybody or give others a better understanding of Celiac Disease. Trust me, I'm the last person you're going to want to take any sort of advice from. I tend to make up my own rules that make sense to only me, I curse with such frequency that it alarms even my own children, and I'm more than likely to ask you if it's too early for cocktails...while I have a drink in my hand. I'm just trying to keep my perspective in check. So feel free to check back in on a Tuesday. From my encounters with Tem the tech to a disastrous colonoscopy it will at least make you feel better about your own life.
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