Tuesday, March 31, 2015

I ❤️ Colonoscopies

I put off updating this blog to explain the next link in the chain after completing the lab tests my doctor wanted me to do. I didn't know it at the time, but this was the point where my health and well being really took off on an unexpected trajectory.  If I could go back and do things over, I would choose this point.  But, that's the thing about linear time, there's no moving backwards.

This was April 2014.  Have you ever been standing at your kitchen counter sifting through the days mail of mortgage statements and junk mail, only to open a letter from your Gastroenterologist telling you that there might be a real big problem with you and he's narrowed it down to like three really horrible scenarios and hey, like why don't you just come on down for this thing called a colonoscopy?  No! I'm pretty sure no one's ever been invited to their colonoscopy like this, if you have please let me know so that my faith in physicians can be somewhat restored.  Another god damn letter...

I sat on this letter for a couple days.  I had a general idea of what a colonoscopy was, but I don't do them every day so I wasn't about to just call up and blindly sign up for some unknown procedure.  Quite frankly, I was a bit irritated.  I see the word colon, and its one of those high alert terms, so I'm already not liking the idea!  Finally I call his office.  His scheduler Amy, who is completely unexcited about her job answers the phone.  The conversation went like this, "Yeah Hi! Uh, I got a letter in the mail telling me to schedule a colonoscopy?"
"Oh, did you want to schedule it?"
"Not really, Amy.  I don't know anything about a colonoscopy, so I'm not too super on-board with this idea." 
"Um. Well. Um. Let me ask him. He's actually standing right here, let me just ask him."
He's at the reception desk? Is he answering phones now? Finally putting his time to some good use...Then I realized I called at the worst possible time! What if this guy got on the phone with me!What the hell was I calling for! I didn't want to talk to him, I didn't want to schedule this thing!  Could I hang up now and pretend like I had never called?  Just as my panic about this colonoscopy peaked, she came back on the line. 
"Ok, he says to schedule you for a consult appointment. The next available appointment is in 6 weeks."

Six weeks? Hope any one of those three really horrible sounding scenarios aren't on too much of a timeline.  Whatever! Obviously not the highlight of my day to inquire about this procedure, but this Bo is standing right there and could have just taken a patients phone call and answered a question.  Wait six weeks to put my mind at ease.  Perfect. Maybe he could just write me a letter explaining the procedure.  But I knew Amy would not understand my sarcasm, so I scheduled the appointment.  Another damn appointment. 

Jumping ahead to present day. There's a potluck at work.  I made a gluten free dish. I want to go and participate, but I know I can't eat anything. I hate that awkward moment when you have to explain to someone why you can't eat a dish, or that doubtful look you get when they challenge you, "It's fine, it's just veggies." Obviously, I wouldn't know if the veggies were cut on a gluten-free cutting board, and also why would I want veggies when I know there's gonna be some delicious, decadent looking dessert that I know is just made with a ton of flour...So my dish is in the fridge. Still debating.

Here it is: See Recipe Below

1 Package Gluten Free Pasta 8-16 oz (Bow-tie or Fallfalle)
1 Bottle Italien Salad dressing 16oz.
1 - 2 Sweet Peppers Chopped
2 Cups Chopped Chicken
Cook pasta according to package.  Sautee sweet peppers with cooked chicken. (I also added frozen peas this time)  Transfer cooked pasta, peppers, and chicken to a large bowl.  Add bottle of salad dressing and toss to coat evenly.  Refrigerate 8 hours or overnight.